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Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve (Plus), by Lewis B. Smedes
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For all of us who have been wounded by another and struggled to understand and move beyond our feelings of hurt and anger, Lewis Smedes's classic book on forgiveness shows that it is possible to heal our pain and find room in our hearts to forgive. Breaking down the process of healing into four stages and offering stories of real people's experience throughout, this wise book provides hope and solace for all who long for the peace that comes with forgiveness. This classic is now available in an updated paperback PLUS edition with a reader's guide and other bonus materials.
- Sales Rank: #45890 in Books
- Brand: Smedes, Lewis B.
- Published on: 2007-09-25
- Released on: 2007-09-25
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .43" w x 5.31" l, .33 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 192 pages
- Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve (Plus
Review
"Lewis B. Smedes has written a warm, wise, and helpful bookon an important topic that needed attention. I know thatmany people will be as helped by it as I was."-- Harold S. Kushner, author of"When Bad Things Happen to Good People""Will give help as well as comfort to those who read it."-- Madeleine L'Engle, author of "Certain Women""Lewis B. Smedes ... sets us free to understand thatforgiveness can be not only a possibility but a reality."-- Dr. Robert H. Schuller
About the Author
Lewis B. Smedes (1921-2002) was a renowned author, ethicist, and theologian. He was a professor of theology and ethics at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California, for twenty-five years. He is the award-winning author of fifteen books, including Forgive and Forget.
Most helpful customer reviews
42 of 44 people found the following review helpful.
Insight into the wonder of forgiveness
By Traci Stalsberg
Warm and witty, this book and its insights will free you to consider the possibilities and beauty of forgiveness. The author gave me the hope I desperately needed. He made me realize that forgiveness is not something in which we snap our fingers or make a quick, one-time decision and it's a done thing; but rather a process by which we travel through stages to reach the place where your memory is healed and you turn back the flow of pain from the past and are free again.
The four stages are: Hurt, Hate, Healing, and Coming Together. Each stage must be worked through and processed for the offended person to become truly free. At first I was a little afraid of the "hate" stage because, as a Christian, I was reluctant to admit I actually did hate the person who hurt me. But now I understand that to hate your enemy is to be completely unable to stop dwelling on the hurt they caused, and unable to wish them well. Ah-hah! That I could totally identify with and furthermore, I discovered that if I wanted the healing of forgiveness, then I must confess that this is the exact place I find myself so that I'll be able to employ the tools that will move me towards the next stage. While forgiving in itself is a simple act, it is done within a mix of complex emotions. To deny them is to sweep them under the rug where no light can reach them. Truthfully, when I started out reading this book I had hoped for a "quick fix," but Lewis Smedes has convinced me that the destination is worth the journey.
Within the pages of Forgive and Forget are many stories of real people mixed in, some with experiences so painful that you are completely inspired to follow them in the mystery of forgiving. Many of their stories are written about in chapters dealing with people who are hard to forgive. These chapters are: Forgiving The Invisible People, Forgiving People Who Do Not Care, Forgiving Ourselves, Forgiving Monsters, and Forgiving God. The chapter on Forgiving People Who Do Not Care was especially relevant to me because the woman who deeply wounded me insists she did nothing wrong. Also, if you do not know the story of Nazi concentration camp survivor and Christian author Corrie Ten Boom's crisis of forgiveness, you will be touched to read about it here as well.
Then there's Part 3, and perhaps the most affirmimg for me, which is titled, "How People Forgive." I love his words that begin this section - "Forgiving is love's revolution against life's unfairness. When we forgive, we ignore the normal laws that strap us to the natural law of getting even and, by the alchemy of love, we release ourselves from our own painful pasts. We fly over a dues-paying morality in order to create a new future out of the past's unfairness. We free ourselves from the wrong that is locked into our private histories; we unshackle our spirits from malice." This is exactly what I want! Again, by coming at this with the knowledge that we forgive "slowly," sometimes "in confusion," oftentimes "with anger left over," "a little at a time," and "freely, or not at all" helped me feel reassured that I'm on my way.
The very last section is an excellent essay on, "Why Forgive?" With convincing words he puts forth his best argument for forgiving versus hating and getting revenge. I won't go into detail here but suffice it to say that if you're thinking that maybe forgiving isn't worth your time and effort, or that another way may be better, you will be challenged within these pages. I hope then you will consider his case. In closing, contemplate these words from page 133, "When you release the wrongdoer from the wrong, you cut a malignant tumor out of your inner life. You set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself."
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
simple, beautiful
By revlid
great book for those who have trouble forgiving. The part I found most helpful is the recognition that excusing is not forgiving. The only time forgiveness is called for is when there is no good excuse!
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Coming out of a Legalistic Church I can tell you this was a great God send
By Chuck S.
This is an absolute must read and have in your library. Coming out of a Legalistic Church I can tell you this was a great God send....
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